Thursday, May 31, 2012

Eyes of a Child

I always knew that I wanted to have kids; there was never any question. For me it was simply understood that I would grow up and become a mom, just like my mother had. I don't remember ever having a conversation with her about it (although when your memory is this bad that doesn't mean you didn't). Recently, however, I learned that it was not always my mothers intention to be... well, a mother. So the vain me thinks "how could anyone not want a child like me?" The answer is that before we have kids (at least in my case) it's hard to imagine loving a small person from your insides this much.

When I hear someone say that they don't want to be parents someday I instantly think "well then what are you going to do?" Certainly I am aware that there are other things to do with life that can be someones 'baby' such as traveling, career, other relationships, etc. For ME I hope to do all of those things and in the end have a big happy healthy family, too! Call me a dreamer but I want it all!

Things I can't wait to experience: every single Birthday, the first real boo-boo, baking together, learning to tie their shoes, homemade mother's day crafts, finger painting, learning to read, watching my child do something kind for a stranger, haircuts, girl/boyfriends, graduations, weddings, grand babies...

Things I dread but secretly look forward to a little bit: the "no" phase (already kind of there), potty training, trips to the ER, girl/boyfriends, liking their friends more than me, conquering back talk, drug and sex talks, explaining death, experiencing heartbreak...

Every new age and stage that they enter is my new "favorite". First it was smiling, then rolling over, crawling, toddling, walking... I love them all. I can't imagine my life any other way, as chaotic as it can be. Re-watching The Backup Plan today I heard a dad describe being a parent like this: "it's awful, awful, awful, awful, then something incredible happens, then it's awful, awful, awful, awful awful." Although I don't share those sentiments exactly I think that's a pretty accurate ratio of chaos to calm in our home. If we were in this movie it would go like this: "it's chaos, crazy, chaos, yelling, chaos, then something amazing happens, then it's chaos, crazy, yelling, chaos, crazy." Those amazing times make up for everything else that might not be right in the world. One look into my child's eyes and I remember everything that is good in my life. I am so glad to have them, SO lucky really.

Thank you to my children, for helping me see the world through eyes of a child. For giving me a new perspective on life and the important things. For teaching me that messy hands are important and strict bedtimes are not. For helping me see that funny faces can be the best medicine for what ails you. I am forever grateful for the new lease on life and wish only for this fairytale to continue forever. 

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