Saturday, March 23, 2013

Post-Baby Belly Blues

Not long after having Ayara (she's  eleven-months-old now) our entire family was at the grocery store. A man, whom I'll politely refer to as ignorant, said to me something along the lines of "oh, you have twins, and just had a baby, and are pregnant?" in front of a very large, very busy store. I was embarassed and snapped "YOU BETTER WATCH IT!" (even more embarassing)

But the truth is that I do still look pregnant. We get plenty of stares and underbreath comments simply from taking twin two-year-olds and an eleven-month-old out together. Add the fact that I look 5-6 months pregnant still, and the attention is insane.

In actuality I have an abdominal hernia from my first (twin) pregnancy, and diastasis recti due to the two pregnancy combo. Diastasis recti happens when the muscles of the stomach seperate permanently, leaving a gap, and resulting in a pregnant look that cannot be "fixed" completely. Without surgery. Occasionally the internal organs get pinched in the gap causing severe pain.

I'm trying really hard not to feel bad about the appearance of my belly. It's a not-so-gentle reminder of all that I experienced during my pregnancies. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't hard to look at though, day in and day out.

I thank people like my wonderful, supportive husband and my new Blogging friend Lolli, and the person who wrote this poem, who provide gentle reminders why the stretchy skin and sagging muscles just aren't as important as they sometimes seem.

 photo SANY8731_zps482fd75d.jpg
she makes me feel beautiful

14 comments:

  1. people are ignorant and really should keep shit to themselves...unless a woman is glaringly about to give birth then no one should assume they are pregnant. just my 2cents.

    you're gorgeous, and your belly is too. we sacrifice so much becoming mommies, but it's totally worth it even on those days we feel not so pretty. xoxo

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    1. That is REALLY nice to read and for you to say. Thank you, Hillary! I am of the same mind-set, I don't say anything unless it's so obvious it's STUPID! I wouldn't want anyone else to feel the way I felt, beautiful children or not ;)

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  2. Our babies and big kids are our pride! I never ask if someone is pregnant - because I know how it feels to say no lol

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  3. Maybe they are commenting on how well you are handling being a parent of so many young children, or how beautiful your family is. When I had my first son, I had people commenting on how horrible it was that I was a teenage mom, I was in fact 26 and not a teenager at all, some people are rude and do not deserve the time of day. You are a beautiful wife and mother and your stomach just shows how much you sacrificed to have those beautiful babies.

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  4. Crista I feel I need to tell you about what my mom went through to have Mags and me. She went through 13 years of fertility treatments and surgeries (her muscles separated as well, this is the first time I have ever heard of somebody having gone through something similar) she tells me all the time that it was worth it and that after the first couple years the sad feeling went away and she only felt a feeling of pride. She said that she wears it almost like a badge of honor, I really hope that you can get to that place. You are an amazing woman who went through Hell and back to have your gorgeous children, you are stronger and tougher and way more caring than any of those yahoos who have anything bad to say. You are beautiful and the fact that you brought life into this world and are a wonderful mother to that life only intensifies that to all who know you.
    This is Kelly Ann by the way I could not make the page sign in with my google account for some reason.
    P.S. dont ever let anyone make you feel badly about yourself, you are now and always have been a great friend and wonderful person

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  6. I'll never understand people's urge to comment on the bodies of complete strangers. We had a customer in the store I worked in ask if I was pregnant and, well, I've never been. When I told her I wasn't she was all "ha-ha, I've NEVER asked anyone that but I was SO SURE!" Sure made me feel even crappier. People can be such inconsiderate jerks without realizing it.
    I don't have any advice, just a grumpy comment to share, lol.

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  7. While in the hospital after having my 3rd child, the visiting clergyman came by to visit. I had my clothes on because I was being released that day. He met me at the door & said, OH! YOU'RE NOT READY YET! I'LL SEE YOU WHEN YOU COME BACK TO DELIVER! whatevah! I had gained the most weight (60 lbs) with that particular pregnancy. I had MANY people comment to me over the next few months, "you're pregnant again?". I had my first child at 17, the second at 18 & this 3rd one at 19. So, I was pregnant quite often & very close together. (I waited 3 years before #4) Although I did get tired of hearing the constant "you're pregnant again?", I have never regretted looking like I've had children. I am most proud of being a mother. There is nothing I would rather have been in the world than a mother. I'm glad I look like I've had 4 children.

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  8. Everyone is special and beautiful in God's eyes! Our bodies are temporary and our souls eternal!

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  9. Your children are a true priceless gift and are what truly matters in life! They are lovely!

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  10. I hope you will very proud of being a fabulous mom and not worry about how you look to ridiculously ignorant strangers. Hang in there!!

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  11. Unfortunately for some women having children can be really hard on the body. I know my wife still complains and its been almost 7 years. The good part about it all is that the kids make it well worth it!

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